ahahah category
Twinkle, twinkle little star, so I’ll know where you are
Looking for a cushy job with great pay and low responsibility? Be a bank CEO!
Here’s how it works:
* Take the job after an economic downturn, when your predecessor is forced out after presiding over the loss of billions in bad-debt and trading write-offs (don’t worry, your predecessor won’t starve in retirement).
* Immediately take huge additional write-offs and reserves and blame them on your predecessor. Clean up balance sheet so your performance bar is so low you could fall over it.
* Announce “new era” in which Your Bank will focus on conservative, fee- and spread-based businesses in which you grow steadily and prudently.
* Smile for the cameras. Have PR people place a Fortune cover story entitled “The Wizard Who Turned Around [Your Bank”]!
* Announce that, given the huge opportunities in the markets, Your Bank will take a bit more risk (prudent, of course) to improve return on equity.
* Encourage your traders to make huge bets.
* Sit in your chair for three years and collect at least $50 million a year during rest of bull market while those bets pay off.
* When market finally turns (sorry, it always does), briefly deny that the downturn will affect Your Bank.
* When it’s clear that your traders were just bull-market geniuses and have gambled away all the “profits” Your Bank booked in the previous three years, blame them and express disappointment. Then hang around to see whether market cares.
* If market demands resignation, resign, collect $500 million severance, and join private equity firm.
* If market yawns, re-up for another cycle and do it all over again!
{ Huffington Post }
Yayo bring the condoms, I’m in room 203
If there is life on other planets, why haven’t they contacted us?
You paraphrase Fermi’s Paradox, first posed by the physicist Enrico Fermi in 1950 over lunch with some colleagues. During the same lunch, he also disproved the existence of UFOs, Sasquatch, fairies, God, and love. After that, he generally ate alone. But Fermi’s apparent logic overlooked two important probabilities: (1) the aliens are very far away and don’t believe we exist, and (2) Enrico Fermi was himself probably a space alien. I mean: Look at him.
related { 20 Things You Didn’t Know About… Aliens }
That movie sucked
xfredx
Hey, did anybody see Garden State?msprout
I don’t watch anything that doesn’t have Mr. T in it, sorry.xfredx
Same for me. Except instead of Mr. T I watch Rachel Ray. And instead of watching I masturbate.{ reddit comments }
There’s some talk going around town, that you really don’t give a damn
The government agency building a 102-story skyscraper at the World Trade Center site is investigating the discovery of two sets of blueprints for the building that a homeless man says he found in the trash.
The schematic documents for the Freedom Tower, under construction at ground zero, were marked “Secure Document - Confidential,” the New York Post reported Friday.
The documents, dated Oct. 5, 2007, contain plans for each floor, the thickness of the concrete-core wall, and the location of air ducts, elevators, electrical systems and support columns, the Post reported.
Michael Fleming told the newspaper he found the documents on top of a public trash can in downtown Manhattan, with written warnings on it to “properly destroy if discarded.”
A screaming comes across the sky
A Brooklyn judge plans to file a $1 million lawsuit after slipping on a just-mopped floor in his own courthouse.
Supreme Court Justice Jack Battaglia - who hears civil cases and earns $136,000 a year - is even targeting the courthouse cleaning lady who wielded the mop, according to legal papers.
The judge fractured his knee in the Nov. 9, 2007, tumble outside room 452 and was forced to undergo surgery and physical therapy.
The world is like an apple whirling silently in space
Apple Inc. filed a federal challenge to New York’s trademark application for a new “Big Apple” logo, saying it’s too similar to the stylized emblem found on iPhones, iPods and iMac computers.
The Cupertino, California-based company says the symbol for New York’s GreeNYC initiative promoting recycling and other sustainable habits is confusingly similar to the logo used by Apple since 1977.
