washington, DC craigslist
Actor needed for emotional role – One day high pay
Date: 2009-04-17, 12:52PM EDT

My deceased aunt gave my two kids a Cocker Spaniel a few months back. The dog has been a terror and become overwhelming for me. I am a single father raising two young children. I cannot face telling the kids that the dog must go. I have found a good home for the dog, and just need someone to transport the dog, and play the villain.

Premise: You will be the dog walker hired by daddy (me) to walk Skittles. I will introduce you to the kids, and you will tell them you are going to help Skittles get her exercise when Daddy is too busy to walk her. At that point you will walk Skittles to your car and take her to her new family 20 minutes from my place. Then return holding just a leash. The story will be that Skittles broke free of the leash and took off. At this point prepare for crying, things being thrown at you, and possibly cursing. My kids are young and dramatic, their girls.

Pay will be $500. The job will take roughly 2 hours at best.

This job is ideal for an actor looking to diversify their role base, or someone who genuinely likes to make children cry. Acting experience is a plus, but not necessary. Please inform me of any prior experience in this kind of situation.

photo { Mark Ryden }

new york craigslist > manhattan > missed connections
Man at the sex party - w4m - 28 (Midtown)
Date: 2009-03-02, 7:33PM EST

You were at the sex party. We locked eyes while I was under the guy with long hair and you were on top of that chubby brunette. (I don’t mean that insultingly–she was cute–was she your date?) You seemed like you wanted to join our party. I should’ve said something but I didn’t want to interrupt. Maybe the two (or three) of us could go out for drinks sometime. (wink!)

{ Thanks Chris }

los angeles craigslist > Free downed weather balloon
Free downed weather balloon
Date: 2009-01-06, 3:17PM PST

Heyo,

Over the weekend a weather balloon crashed in my yard. It’s about the size of a winebego and still has a lot of its original aluminum siding in tact, although you might have a tough time using it (I can’t cut or puncture the stuff, even with a blow torch.) Could probably be used as art, maybe.

I would particularly appreciate comments from anyone who works for the National Weather Service, because I guess they use monkeys or something now based on the bones inside.

photo { Janaina Tschäpe, The Sea and the Moutain, 2006 | latex, balloons and condoms }

lo mejor de craigslist > toronto > men seeking women
INTELLIGENT, cultured, 22y/o wm seeking Asian women (pref. Nihonese)
Fecha: 2008-10-16, 3:29AM EDT

Hello ladies of the internet!

I am here today, as are you, to find the love of my life ideally. Now, I am an introspective and reflective man so over my life I’ve come to realise exactly what I’m looking for in my ideal woman.

Personally, I am 22 years old, my name is Perseus, I am attending U of T in the final year of my Engineering degree, and I am a little on the chubby side. I am a dedicated Green party voter and staunchly opposed to the Conversative hordes dashing themselves against the impregnable Liberal/NDP/Green keep of our fine enlightened city. I am fond of discussing philosophy and the meaning of life over a glass of wine in the ‘even. As hobbies go, I am an avid gamer and enjoy delving into the myriad artistic realities of animé (the origin of my affinity for Asian culture, which is frankly superior).

You MUST fulfill the following requirements:
- Asian
- Woman
- Aged NO MORE THAN 23
- - and NO LESS THAN 16
- Petite build. Ideally no more than 115 lbs.
- - but no ‘Paris Hilton’ bulimics please! I like my women with some meat on them.
- Like sushi, animé, and video games.

BONUSES include:
- Japanese heritage
- Large collection of animé and manga
- Glasses
- Interest in cosplay and roleplaying
- Traditional Ladies’ education

I must stress again that this is for a SERIOUS, long term relationship. Not some ‘fling’ as though I were a boy toy to be tossed aside.

new york craigslist > manhattan > missed connections
gray haired younger(ish?) man on 1 train with guitar - w4m
Date: 2008-10-19, 1:43PM EDT

You stepped on my foot on the train Saturday afternoon- more than once. I think the first time was an accident, and maybe the second time was because you wanted to talk to me? I don’t know though- maybe I completely made that up. I thought you were really attractive though and I’m NEVER this forward, but I thought there could possibly be a connection there. I was the girl with long red hair and glasses. Am I out of my mind, or did you want to talk to me as much as I wanted to talk to you?

artwork { Roy Lichtenstein, Foot and Hand, 1964 }

Monroe police are searching for a man who robbed an armored-car guard Tuesday morning then fled with the money — down a nearby creek on an inner tube.

Police say the robber also may have recruited a host of unwitting decoys through a Craigslist ad.

The robbery happened about 11 a.m. in the Bank of America parking lot at Old Owen Road and Highway 2 in Monroe, said police spokeswoman Debbie Willis.

Mitch Ruth, who works across from the bank, saw the robbery from his office window and said the suspect was wearing a blue shirt and a dust mask, according to a KING-5 News report.

The man watched as a security guard walked from the bank to the armored car with a large amount of cash in canvas bags, Willis said. He then confronted the guard and sprayed him with pepper spray. According to witnesses, the man grabbed the money and ran about 100 yards to Woods Creek, Willis said. Police believe the man jumped into an inner tube and floated westbound in the direction of the nearby Skykomish River.

Police say they later found the inner tube on the banks of Woods Creek, but no trace of the robber. Willis said it was the first time she’d heard of that kind of getaway. It’s possible the man had an accomplice waiting for him downriver, she said.

Part of that planning may have been a Craigslist ad recruiting decoys, Willis said.

Mike, who wanted to be identified only by his first name, told KING-5 that he saw a Craigslist ad last week seeking workers for a road-maintenance project. He inquired and was e-mailed instructions to meet near the bank at 11 a.m. Tuesday and to wear specific clothing.

“Yellow vest, safety goggles, a respirator mask … and, if possible, a blue shirt,” Mike told KING-5.

No contractor met Mike and about a dozen other similarly dressed men who showed up at the bank, and they thought they had been stood up. Then, KING-5 reported, a man told them about the bank robbery.

” ‘Yeah, guys, we just got scammed,’ ” Mike said the man told him. “Bank robbery just happened to be right across the street, in the same attire in all the e-mails that everyone got.”

{ The Seattle Times | Continue reading }

photo { Ellen Von Unwerth, Miami, 1996 }

london craigslist
HENCHMEN NEEDED
Date: 2008-08-05, 2:34PM BST

20-30 henchmen needed for moderately-sized supervillain organisation with large expansion potential (fortresses built into geological structures, corruption of government officials, possible genesis of ‘nemesis’ vigilante). Electrical theme.

Applicants must be willing to learn new skills, including but not limited to operation of specialised ‘lightning guns’. Applicants will also be required to wear specialised uniform when at work (functional rubber suits with my logo on front), except in cases where deception is required (posing as hostages in order to ambush vigilantes, etc).

Desired (but not necessarily required) in applicants:

-interesting deformations/obsessions/powers(?) giving rise to interesting nicknames (e.g. Claws, Pyro, Buzzsaw, and similar)
-unwavering loyalty
-being a corruptible government official
-ability to work as part of a close-knit team (unless interesting obsession is of the ‘lone wolf’ variety)
-grudge against any well-known vigilante
-flexible moral code

Equal opportunies employer. Both henchmen and femmes fatales absolutely welcome.

Great promotion opportunities - right-hand-man position constantly being unexpectedly opened. Would look good on any future supervillain resume/CV.

Send an email with details of any prior henchman work, or details of what is driving you to join the ranks of a supervillain organisation. Will reply to all serious applicants. Hope to hear from you, and with luck, welcome you into a rewarding and promising career!

- Jacque (The Zapper) Zerapi

new york craigslist > brooklyn > missed connections
I need some SERIOUS advice, sort of a BBW question sort of not. - m4w - 23 (BK)
Date: 2008-08-27, 5:39PM EDT

I am a male in a relationship. Lately I find myself looking at other women. The sad fact is that my girlfriend no longer does it for me. She is small thin and waify and as of late I have come to realise that I am attracted much much more to larger girls, say in the range of at least 160+ pounds, and generally on shorter girls.

The idea of discussing weight gain with my current partner is strange to say the least. She is a recovering anorexic and our communication is terrible. She doesn’t physically do it for me and the emotional connection has not been there for almost half a year now.

What’s next.

new york craigslist > brooklyn > missed connections
Playing with yourself on the R train - m4m - 50 (R Train)
Date: 2008-08-06, 3:06PM EDT

You were playing with your cock on the R train around 12:30. You had black shorts and a wedding band. I enjoyed the show, wouldn’t mind seeing more. I got off at Prospect and gave you a small smile. Married too so discreet. Tell me what shirt you were wearing.

new york craigslist > staten island > missed connections
any one know the guy on van duzer st - m4m - 29 (staten island)
Date: 2008-07-28, 2:29PM EDT

not sure of his name but he gave me and my friend blow jobs was great like to get in touch with him

new york craigslist > new jersey > missed connections
you work as bartender at [club], Newark - m4m
Date: 2008-06-30, 7:02AM EDT

thought you MAY be bi because of your great looks and two earrings in one ear. Never thought about sex with another man, really, but early Monday morning you changed my mind. i fly through Newark a lot. You deserve to be appreciated. i was the tall one in the blue rugby you kept smiling at early this AM, before 7 am. If you know this guy, put him in touch. Thanks.

maine craigslist > lost & found
Lost Whip
Date: 2008-06-19, 10:31PM EDT

I was at Marcus and Ambrosia’s party at Styxx on Tuesday. Lost a black leather whip. I’d really like to get it back. It has sentimental value.

Thanks
John