Vampires can’t exist. Why? Because they’d quickly depopulate the earth.

To prove it, the scientists do some calculations by picking a random year in history — 1600, specifically — and imagining what would happen if one vampire suddenly appeared on earth. They assume, for the sake of argument, that a vampire needs to feed “only once a month”, and that in the course of feeding, the vampire turns its victim into another vampire. They note that the global population of humans was 536,870,911 in the year 1600.

Then the calculations begin. If a single vampire fed on a single human in the first month, this would create two vampires — and decrease the human population by one, leaving it at 536,870,911 - 1 = 536,870,910. In the second month, those two vampires would each feed, transforming two people into vampires — so you get four vampires and a human population of 536,870,911 - 3 = 536,870,908. So you can see where this is headed. The vampire population is increasing in a geometric progression, and the population of humans is similarly decreasing — and at that rate, the authors calculate, the entire human population would be transformed into vampires in only 30 months. QED!

Sure, humans could increase their numbers by having children — but the birth rate could never keep pace.

We conclude that vampires cannot exist, since their existence contradicts the existence of human beings. Incidently, thelogical proof that we just presented is of a type known as “reductio ad absurdum”, that is, reduction to the absurd.

{ collision detection | Continue reading }

I don’t trust scientists and I don’t trust mathematical formulas, and therefore I will continue to wear a string of garlic around my neck while carrying a 2 foot wooden stake where ever I go. This is obviously a vampire-funded study that aims to lower our guards.

{ Dancing at gunpoint }

READ MORE >> science, math, Vampire | April 28th, 2008