Old eBay Auction: The Mistake (2005)
You are bidding on a mistake.
We all make mistakes. We date the wrong people for too long. We chew gum with our mouths open. We say inappropriate things in front of grandma.
And we buy leather pants.
I can explain these pants and why they are in my possession. I bought them many, many years ago under the spell of a woman whom I believed to have taste. She suggested I try them on. I did. She said they looked good. I wanted to have a relationship of sorts with her. I’m stupid and prone to impulsive decisions. I bought the pants.
The relationship, probably for better, never materialized. The girl, whose name I can’t even recall, is a distant memory. I think she was short.
Ultimately the pants were placed in the closet where they have remained, unworn, for nearly a decade. I would like to emphasize that: Aside from trying these pants on, they have never, ever been worn. In public or private.
I have not worn these leather pants for the following reasons:
I am not a member of Queen.
I do not like motorcycles.
I am not Rod Stewart.
I am not French.
I do not cruise for transvestites in an expensive sports car.These were not cheap leather pants. They are Donna Karan leather pants. They’re for men. Brave men, I would think. Perhaps tattooed, pierced men. In fact, I’ll go so far as to say you either have to be very tough, very gay, or very famous to wear these pants and get away with it.
Again, they’re men’s pants, but they’d probably look great on the right lady. Ladies can get away with leather pants much more often than men can. It’s a sad fact that men who own leather pants will have to come to terms with.
They are size 34×34. I am no longer size 34×34, so even were I to suddenly decide I was a famous gay biker I would not be able to wear these pants. These pants are destined for someone else. For reasons unknown - perhaps to keep my options open, in case I wanted to become a pirate - I have shuffled these unworn pants from house to house, closet to closet. Alas, it is now time to part ways so that I may use the extra room for any rhinestone-studded jeans I may purchase in the future.
These pants are in excellent condition. They were never taken on pirate expeditions. They weren’t worn onstage. They didn’t straddle a Harley, or a guy named Harley. They just hung there, sad and ignored, for a few presidencies.
Someone, somewhere, will look great in these pants. I’m hoping that someone is you, or that you can be suckered into buying them by a girl you’re trying to bed.
Please buy these leather pants.
February 5th, 2007 at 4:21 pm
“I am not French”
I’ve never seen a Frenchman wear this kind of pants.
Yes, I know you intended to be funny: “all Frenchmen are gay hahaha. How witty I am”.
It’s not funny.
It’s bigotry.
It’s a stupid stereotype.
You are stupid.
February 5th, 2007 at 4:26 pm
Moi-Meme, go complain to the persom who posted the auction. A year and a half ago, when it was posted on eBay.
February 5th, 2007 at 4:29 pm
Moi-méme is a self-important prig. Most likely French, too. Poor thing.
February 5th, 2007 at 4:33 pm
you could call this website “the ebay sales of a homophobe” and save us all some time
February 5th, 2007 at 4:34 pm
I am french.
1) this kind of shit isn’t particularly french.
2) french aren’t all prigs (or maybe 90% of them, like in every country - hi biker)
3) let’s be fair… Jean-Claude Jitrois, the godfather of leather pants, is french. And
he still wears leather pants.
February 5th, 2007 at 4:40 pm
What about Rod Stewart fans?
February 5th, 2007 at 5:20 pm
Unfortunately there is nothing for me to get irate over here as i have a sense of humour and can clearly see its not offensively minded but very funny
February 5th, 2007 at 5:21 pm
You all need to lighten up. The seller was likely not a homophobe, nor did he likely have any distaste for the French. Stereotypes are just funny, and he knows it.
The problem is with whiny, insecure, pansy-ass, touchy-feely, new-age jerk-offs who take everything personally, who seem to be the majority of commenters here. Get a spine, then get a life.
Kudos to the seller and poster.
February 5th, 2007 at 6:49 pm
The comments on this page remind me of this very funny cartoon : )
http://xkcd.com/c202.html
February 5th, 2007 at 7:19 pm
Moi-meme has no sense of humor and is therefore quite rightly jealous of the seller, who is in fact very funny.
Thanks to Raymond, Michael, and the rest for providing healthy doses of clear thought and easy humor.
As for me, I came very, very close to buying leather pants in the 1980s, at the bidding of my then-girlfriend, who was nuts over Jim Morrison, leather, denim, but (I think) not over gay French bikers. Thankfully, I did not buy the pants.
February 5th, 2007 at 7:23 pm
I should have added….
@toi-meme:
This is not homophobia. Not even close. Homophobes are men so deeply closeted that even they may be unaware that they are gay, and who get intensely upset, angry, self-righteous (i.e., aroused) whenever they contemplate homosexuality as an idea.
They never seem to grasp the obvious fact that they think about homosexuality all the time, much like homosexuals but quite unlike straight people.
This person is just having fun with stereotypes. Gay men + leather pants = quick trip to funny.
February 5th, 2007 at 8:55 pm
“You all need to lighten up. The seller was likely not a homophobe, nor did he likely have any distaste for the French. Stereotypes are just funny, and he knows it.”
Yes of course, insulting stereotypes are funny and those ones were particularly funny to fat burger eating obnoxious arrogant uncultured delusional egocentric Americans. Lighten up please. (end of sarcasme)
February 5th, 2007 at 10:16 pm
Amen, Michael!
February 6th, 2007 at 2:23 am
I think in this case “french” was used to mean sexually open in the manner of one’s dress, as these pants clearly are.
February 6th, 2007 at 12:47 pm
Old Ebay Post: If I wear leather pants, people might assume I’m gay, lol.
El Multicultural Avenger: You’re fat, obnoxious, arrogant, uncultured, delusional, and egocentric.
Who’s the real bully here?
February 6th, 2007 at 3:40 pm
Very funny. Do you happen to have a matching vest?
February 6th, 2007 at 4:00 pm
Homosexuals are gay. End of story.
February 6th, 2007 at 4:23 pm
but… i actually thought it was the germans who were the lederhosen traegers !
frenchies usually wear loose fitting clothes made out of wrinkled cotton that are typically some earth tone, like beige.
February 7th, 2007 at 3:46 am
People from France are just a little gayer than people from other countries, nothing to be upset about, just like Americans are a little more gangsta and Asians are a little more ninjaish. French girls are REALLY hot though, especially when they speak in english and have hot accents, oh my god! hottest thing a girl can do is have a hot foriegn accent.
February 7th, 2007 at 4:03 am
darius, that’s a truly remarkable observation. you forgot to say that people from Iceland are more cold-ish, and Italian a little more spaghetti-shaped-ish.
wondering if you’re an important sociologist, or just REALLY young.
February 7th, 2007 at 11:20 am
Hilarious
too bad ppl are so sensitive complaining about someones statement tha was obviously aimed not to be offensive but funny, and took it wrong because there mtv fanclub says stereotypes is the worst possible thing anyone could do
February 7th, 2007 at 2:58 pm
Z0mg how could he!?!?! I am offended!! I am a pair of leather pants, and obviously, the ebay seller man was a heartless pig who is racist against leather AND pants! See, he made fun of rhinestone jeans, too! EEew gross stereoytyprehd loving man! Yuk yuk yuk!
February 7th, 2007 at 3:52 pm
I cannot be bothered to read past the first few comments but all I have to say is lighten up.
February 9th, 2007 at 6:45 pm
But all French men are cum-swilling ass bandits.It`s a well known fact here in Canada.I bet those pants have a trap door in the back.
February 9th, 2007 at 7:01 pm
Also,
I would like to add that French women are rutting pigs as well.If French women were any less moral,they would be American.
February 10th, 2007 at 6:12 pm
Forget being French or gay.
This auction completely stereotypes tough and famous people. Is it really fair to say that tough guys all wear leather and rides bikes? I mean, he’s clearly afraid to be tough… and famous. I’m so irate over his insensitive treatment of [a group] that I need to tell you guys.
February 13th, 2007 at 4:24 am
That was funny and honest, these overly politically correct twirps don’t realize in the grand scheme of things, humanity is not always “PC”, yeah, there ARE really gay Frenchmen out there, get over it. And I live 10 minutes from San Francisco, and even the SF gays arent as whiny or uptight about funny stuff like ebay pants auctions. Sheesh , whine about real issues like the new world order, Zionism, George Bush , the pointless and evil war in Iraq, 911 lies , illegal aliens, the “new” form of AIDS they just found, bird flu, and general “Idiocracy” (see the movie by the same name).
Ciao.
February 14th, 2007 at 11:06 pm
How dare all of you! Can’t you see that this person is an abused overweight white male who is crying out for help! He is not homophobic or biggoted - he’s alone…and needy. How heartless and cold of you to call him names and to ignore his plight in this desperate world. We should stage a gay French biker love-in to protest this terrible outrage and to raise money to help him undergo therapy so that he too might one day be able to admit his whiteness and proudly wear black leather pants….just like Michael Jackson.
February 23rd, 2007 at 12:17 am
Here Here!
February 23rd, 2007 at 9:44 pm
Now, now, dear people, those who live in brick houses shouldn’t throw glass. This man is in dire straights. He needs your love and compassion. His yearnings are deep. Not created by impassion. He fell by the wayside, while longing for love, if it were me I’d have given a shove, to the woman in question, who rallied my impulse, to purchase these pants, so my fast burning sexpulse, would be satisfied by a credit card whose limit was extant, but my impule to buy them was ultimately whoosy, ’cause, unfortunately, my purchases are driven by pussy.
February 24th, 2007 at 1:07 am
I think I can speak for all left-handed dyslexic Sufi typesetter when I say, “This is very funny. Thanks.”
February 28th, 2007 at 1:48 pm
I wonder if he sold them…? (no, I dont want them if he hasn’t!!!)
March 20th, 2007 at 3:51 am
er… HAHAHAHA!!! This is fscking hilarious!! I er, jut stumbled across this, and unfortunately due to my total lack of better judgment, could not help myself posting too!
I’m a gay french biker, and am in dire need of some beautiful leather pants! I am prone to associate black leather pants with my loss of morality & self respect? ROFL! wikkid, and yes, i’ll be back :p
March 25th, 2007 at 10:07 pm
It’s too bad the internet is worldwide. I guess you can thank us bully Americans for that. No wonder Americans have a hard time in France. It would appear that the French are humorless jerkoffs from this collection of responses. Once again, thank the American bullies that you have an internet connection to complain with. Also: black & white stripes = prison wear, pepe.
March 25th, 2007 at 10:14 pm
Now, if you don’t mind… It’s back to my American eating habits…
http://www.chilloutzone.de/blog/images/hmmmmm.jpg
June 22nd, 2007 at 1:14 am
Lol, this means I have no life, but God bless StumbleUpon for bringing me to this page! After reading through all of these comments, it’s hilarious to see how offended people will get over something as trivial as an eBay auction! For those of you who think this wasn’t funny, well…I hate to have to tell you this, but your sense of humor is a shriveled prune.
Actually, this whole discussion reminds me of one of my favorite musicals: “Avenue Q”
It’s like an adult Sesame Street, and it’s got wonderful songs like “It Sucks to Be Me,” “If You Were Gay,” and “Everyone’s A Little Bit Racist,” perfect songs for this page! I highly recommend them!
June 28th, 2007 at 12:51 am
I had some pants like those.
Leather pants are fun, they blow up when you fart.
I used to be gay, but now I’m just happy, as gay means something different now.
July 1st, 2007 at 6:57 am
LOOK AT MA LEATHER PANTS WOOO A THIN LAYER OF COW CARCASS WRAPPED AROUND MA GANGLY CHICKEN LEGS
July 28th, 2007 at 7:27 am
I am so not ever reading any coments again..